Saturn, Tron & Resolutions

K so first thing's first: Tron.

My official stance is as follows: yes, the eye candy IS worth all the sentimental bullshit plot torture you have to endure to get to the cool parts. Cuz the cool action special effects parts are PRETTTTY fucking cool, and you know I've been living at a rave for the past 80 years so I'm not easily amused by just ANY lazer and glow-stripe combo (ps: what's up with holiday blockbusters trying to look like raves? RRRRRRRiiiiight).

Anyway. EVERYONE knows that a) Jeff Bridges is KING (seriously, although to be fair, pretty much the best parts of him in this movie are when he channels The Dude) and b) robot/iso chicks are HAWT, especially if they look like Lola Frost and are almost as physically apt (almost). Observe:

Cory of Tron - (HAWTTT)

Lola Frost of Sweet Soul Burlesque (HAWTTT):


Having said all that the cool action parts are still a little too few and far between for my liking, so make sure to only take a MILD hallucinogenic as opposed to a strong one because otherwise the romantic plot crap will KILL YOU. It's wayyyyy too slow and you'll hurt your brain trying to follow it (it's shoddy and to be honest, altogether unnecessary).

My advice would be to take like, a quarter of a hit of mild acid and to bring someone to make out with during the slow parts... so it would be like: watch fun trippy movie, wow video-game robot bikes are rad and awesome, oh fuck crappy plot moment... k make-out-make-out-handjob-whatever-make-out. Oh look! The movie's at fun part again. Repeat. Yeah I think that'd pretty much be the ideal way to do Tron. Might do that again this week actually if I can dig up the right partner in crime. ;)

In the meantime I got to lay out a bunch at some friends' LOVELY family home and gratefully chill out a bit, as well as eat, get stoned, watch copious Entourage reruns and embellish various costume bits. Been reflecting on the whole

Saturn Returns

thing that's been pretty much steering my life for the past year and a half and thinking it's been so NEEDED. Like for real. Even though it began with horrible horrible mind and faith-shattering betrayal (always fun) as well as personal AND professional upheaval (also super fun)... I must admit that things REALLY HAVE eventually worked out for the best. My life is very different than it was then, in a very very good way. Imagine that, those damn planets and stars were RIGHT. AGAIN. Sheesh. It's almost like this PATTERN or something. Heh heh.

Don't think I'm quite out of the woods yet though... still tying up loose ends and de-clogging. After Dollhouse I did an initial shit sweep but I'm scraping the next layer now... for the next three days it's all about admitting that the things I don't touch are the things I don't use and hence, the things I don't need. I want to get RID of them. BYE BYE. Massive purge-a-thon. DVDS. CDs. Crafty bits that are SO DEAD and wayy behind me. Fucking clothes I've been pretending to wear but don't ever. Books I haven't read in a decade. Accessories that have been accessorizing the space in my jewelry boxes more than my tits. BORING. Want some? Hit me up. I'm done. Make way for the newness. Newness likes space dammit.

Speakin' of newness I've also been thinkin' on some 2011 resolutions. Oh yeah, GUESS WHAT: I'm SOOOO not the kinda bitch that worries about what I'm NOT gonna do. FUCK THAT SHIT. Instead, here's some shit I AM gonna do. It's my....

Crystal Precious' 2011 New Year's Resolutions TOP TEN LIST!!!!

By Crystal Precious.

1. Release a record. Not sure if it's gonna be the Striphop EP or full-length album, prolly EP. Depends on how many tracks I can get to the point of feeling really fucking great about. Either way it's going in your earholes by summer, so help me god.

2. Learn to sew. At least to the point where I can do my own reconstruction and alterations. Honestly how hard can this fucking shit be? I'm not retarded right? I mean, when I THINK of the hilarious steez level this could take me to, I can almost forget about all of my previous sewing machine failures (some of which admittedly made my friends laugh like nitrus'd hyenas). Apparently though there is this cute place in Vancouver called

Spool of Thread

that gives lessons and they don't know about any of my prior disaster projects. It could be a whole new clean slate!!! I'm doing it. What's the worst that could happen? My stitches fall out and my clothes fall off... oh BOO-FUCKING-HOO. Like that's never happened before.

3. Focus on quality social encounters instead of quantity. I LOVE MY FRIENDS. So why are we screaming at each other over stacks 20 inch subs every time we see each other instead of every OTHER time? Honestly. Conversation and creation. More. Together. Now. With cheese.

4. Do a 30-Day Yoga Challenge. I've never done one before and it looks hard. Hey, I like things that are hard.

5. Get tattooed for my 30th birthday this April (I'm an Aries bitch). Wings & feathers and colour and sass. For REAL. Milestones have been reached, decisions have been made. I'm a showgrrl for life. Time to make it permanent and known. Shwa: get yer gun out.

6. Go to

Burning Man

. I will have my ticket by the end of January or February and I will put it on my fridge so I see it every time I hit the dairy thingy. I'm not sure who I'm going with or where I'm staying, but I'm feeling like it will be a primarily solo mission once I'm there. And I'm going. I'm READY. Rites of Passage INDEED, uh... only the story of my fucking life for the past two years. Whenever I close my eyes it's like this little picture book I've seen before and there's this little character of me running through the playa in a frog outfit. Jumping up and down occasionally. Very cute. Must make real. Ribbit!

7. Continue to remove or limit interaction with all people, projects and things that are not serving my greater purpose of RAISING OVERALL WORLD SASS LEVELS. This is a very important mission I feel. No one must distract me with anything sass-sucking. And to be clear, this doesn't mean removing people that challenge me, just people who disrespect me. Guess what? NO PIE FOR YOU.

8. SING MORE. Every day. Every single, living breathing day. Singing. Let's go.

9. Love deeply, truly, fiercely, passionately. DEEPLY DAMMIT. Just LOVE and just let all my lovely little loves be what they are, and to love them for that and feel grateful for them. Yeah yeah, I'm a fucking hippie. We've been over this. Not to get all Whitney but uhh.... gonna give myself a lotta love this year. And every year after that. Forever. And ever. Cuz when it comes right down to it, everything else is gravy. Really, really hot, tasty gravy perhaps... but gravy all the same. (Mmmm. Gravy.)

10. Finish my goddamn Summer of Sass blog, for FUCK'S SAKE. Two biggest installs are coming up: Shambles and Acapulco... actually I'm pretty stoked I've left them for gray weather when I lavish in dreams of sun cause they'll gimme a good hit of those this month. The new CP cruiser (aka Britney) hasn't gone out nearly enough this month. Although I have to say rollin' around in a sweater and chucks for X-mas sure didn't piss me off. Sorry Wpg, the West Coast kiiiinda has you beat there... even if we don't have M&M Meat Shops. Missed that shit this year, natch, not gonna lie ;)

And so... those are my 2011 resolutions. With that and a hot hair flip flourish I say, "Peace out 2010!!! It's been real." And it has. But I'm not sad about the changes cuz I made 'em, I wanted 'em, whether the means was tough or not. The journey is the meat of it ain't it? Just like when we were kids, gotta eat your spinach to get to dessert... and then you realize that spinach is actually kinda tasty. If you put pepper on it.

Our show at the Keefer on Thursday (click


for detes) is gonna be KILLER, hopefully Tristan doesn't come as close to burning the place down this week as last week (I'm so serious though, come down and I'll tell you the story)... and then NYE is going to be SO SO SO killer, I'm so stoked. I get to do sassy cabaret numbers at Chambar with Hebegebe and then walk a couple blocks down to

W2 Lights NYE

to rave hard with all the crews... yess!!!!! Awww yeah. My fave combo fo' shiz. Looking forward particularly to some of the grimier hiphop shit, been feeling that A LOT lately (SHOCKER, I know). Particularly looking forward to dancing HARD in LOTS of glitter to Max Ulis & Self Evident, Mr. Michael Red (whom I haven't seen play in FOREVER, so excited), Bevvy Swift and the Librarian.... making bass face and bending my knees already. I like it deep n' delicious. Like cake.

K gotta get the sequins in a row. I'm gonna get rid of a whole truckload of shit, I've decided. Startiiiiiing NOW.

2011: Warm me up baby. Let's get down. I'm open.

big loves